Roast It: To and On Wizkid and His Beef Queen; Linda Ikeji

 

So, I woke up to the news of Wizkid and Linda Ikeji’s beef. Ten minutes into surfing the net to get the full gist, I asked myself ‘Why the heck are you concerned about this shit?’ The simple answer to that is – they are celebrities and my generation is known for celebrity worship. It’s not our fault – it’s just the world we found ourselves in. But something struck me while flipping through people’s comments on the beef. Now, I cannot fit to hold back my own comment. Nope! I can’t leave this matter for Mathias alone. If beef is the only thing Wizkid and Linda Ikeji feel they could offer their fans in this chaotic fuel scarcity period, they should hear my voice. Where do I even start?

 

Okay… Let’s say Wizkid rented his house. Majority of people all over the world live in rented apartments. Let’s say his rent is over-due. If you’ve ever been a hustler, you definitely have experienced a similar situation. The only difference is – your house probably wasn’t as costly as Wizkid’s. Let’s say he got his Bentley on hired purchase – how easy is it to get such a car on hired purchase? You wan go try? So, before you criticize Wizkid for lying about his wealth, ask yourself – ‘How honest are you about your income or the value of your gadgets, wears, trips and or shelter?’ Okay… Let’s say you’re the honest type. I do hope you do know most people are not. Maybe Wizkid just happens to be among those people. The only difference is that he’s a celebrity, thus, his case is always there to sell papers and make blogs popular. Does writing about him mean Linda is better? Does criticizing Wizkid’s larger-than-he-can-afford life make you better in managing your own life? Now, let’s talk about Ms. Ikeji…

 

 

Let’s say Linda is married to her laptop. How many people are not married to at least, one of their mobile devices? Now, we are talking of a lady whose income depends on how much time she spends with the husband in question. So, why the heck should Starboy yab her for that? Let’s say she slept with Wizkid’s director. She’s a single woman and body no be firewood. Yeah, I don’t buy her celibacy claim – that’s bullshit. There’s no way Linda can tell me she doesn’t like getting heads. Internet no be church so make she no carry that one come. But why should I want to judge her for passing the night with someone? Even if the director left her ‘stinking pussy’ in whatever hotel room, does it make her less a person than anyone? It could happen to any lady – be you as big as Beyonce or as smart as Michelle Obama. Let’s say her family members are losers – millions of Africans pray to have a family like her’s. Let’s even say Linda doesn’t end up getting married. Oprah Winfrey is 62 and single and millions of ladies all over the world would sell their boyfriend or husband to be like her. Come on, is yabbing a lady for being single not the dumbest way to go about the yab business? Please, don’t give me that African woman bull-shit.

 

 

I’m not sure I have much issues with people beefing each other. No! My only issue is that Wizkid feels being a musician gives him an edge over Linda who is a mere blogger. What the fuck! When did blogging get the ‘mere’ prefix? Wizkid, tell yourself the bitter truth – musicians are nothing without bloggers. On the other side, who is Linda to come up with the ‘film-directors’ and ‘artists’ are losers air I felt in her response? Babe, you’ll be hungry without those groups of people. You two should yab yourselves all you want but don’t come up blabbering about people’s careers.

 

 

I don’t get the ‘I better pass my neighbor’ attitude most of us have in this country. I’ve not travelled far enough to know if foreigners share such childish mentality with us. But the simple act of comparing oneself to one’s neighbor is the first characteristic of a loser. We are here for different purposes. Richer, taller, prettier, more popular or whatever doesn’t spell better than the next person. In J Cole’s word – there’s no such thing as a life better than yours. In retrospect, there’s no such thing as a life worse than yours. Let’s wake up to reality – no celebrity’s life is more awesome than yours coz they are nothing without you and you may never stand the demons they face to be in the limelight…

 

 

Linda, I love you. Wizkid, you na my guy. Do I love any one of you more or less after reading of your beef? Hell NO! I only have one request. I have two lovely teenage sisters and two badass nephews. I love them very much and I know they need better role models. Please, you two should try be better. If you can’t, find a nice closet and give each other some great heads. After-all, Kendrick Lamar says ‘Head is the answer’. Please, can you do that for me? Thank you…